It’s Tuesday so you know what that means. Well, you probably don’t since I haven’t done Tweetpeat Tuesday in forever. But I’m doing it today so quit your complaining. I can’t be expected to be on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest all at the same time, can I? I suppose I can since I’m a blogger, and bloggers are supposed to be posting on all social media all the time forever. Which is hard for me. I’m doing the best that I can, ok? I was brought back to my Twitter roots last week, though, and I rounded up yet more sage parenting advice from the world’s premiere source. So listen up.
It’s not so much parenting as it is mental torture.
Today, on this very special Tweetpeat Tuesday before Thanksgiving, I want to give thanks to someone near and dear to my heart (and Twitter feed), Simon Holland. Through his insightful observations in the form of 140-character missives, he has brought joy and levity to the world. And, that’s what the world needs now more than ever. So I’m doing something I don’t ordinarily do. I’m dedicating an entire post to one twit, Simon Holland. He’s a one man tweeting machine and one of the best tweeple I know.
In any business negotiations I always lead with slowly opening the Velcro on my Transformers Trapper Keeper to let the intimidation set in.
Had a Werther’s Original candy and now I’m at Sears looking for a sensible pair of house shoes. — Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 21, 2014
That’s what happens if you eat one of those. Whenever I see those commercials, which start around now, I always wonder how Werther’s is still in business. Seriously, have you ever once seen anyone buy or eat those things? Exactly. And, I have to ask, at some point wouldn’t their whole customer base die out?
I’m devoid of all order, rhyme or reason today because sometimes that’s just how life is.
But I have some good tweets for you today because I found my new favorite tweeter, and you will too because he’s featured below. But first we must start with my tweets because it’s my blog, and that’s how this works.
Just told Kitty, “It’s not all about you, Kitty.” — OneFunnyMotha (@OneFunnyMotha) September 12, 2014
Oh, who am I kidding? It is all about Kitty. Well, Kitty and Joan Rivers. At least the other week it was. I wanted to post this tweet then, but I thought it was too soon. Now that a couple of weeks have passed, I feel I’ve waited long enough.
When they pull the plug on Joan Rivers, I’m pretty sure, by law, most of her will have to go in the plastic recycle bucket — Lorine (@reeni730) August 31, 2014
It’s damn funny, and I think Joan would’ve agreed. I love Joan, but, man, did she have a lot of plastic surgery. When you’re in show business I image the pressure to look young especially for women is enormous, and I could see getting a little nip and tuck, but by the end Joan couldn’t even move her face. It was a little spooky.
The other week on the first day of school after I dropped my kids off, I rushed back home to my beloved computer to tweet all about it. I said I was doing a Jig of Joy at having gotten rid of my kids and that “Jig of Joy” was gonna be trending – just watch. I even turned it into a hashtag. #JigofJoy.
But it didn’t trend. And that makes me sad. What the hell, people? That’s a great hashtag. People the world over could use it to share their tales of euphoria at finally sending their kids packing or anything else that would be cause for a #JigofJoy. Like this.
I’m still looking for a bar with an in-house daycare. — That’s Parenting (@ThatsParenting) September 1, 2014
If you found one you’d do a #JigofJoy, right?
I told my kid there are seven days of the week. He told me I’m wrong. Apparently I left out Opposite Day. — That’s Parenting (@ThatsParenting) September 4, 2014
If his kid would just shut the hell up, the parents would be doing a #JigofJoy.