Guys, today’s the big day. The book you’ve all been waiting for or at least that I’ve been waiting for is out. It’s called (if you couldn’t tell from my title) I Just Want to Be Perfect. Which is so me. Actually, it’s not. When Jen Mann of People I Want to Punch in the Throat asked if I wanted to contribute, I thought, well, she’s got the wrong woman for this job. I don’t know if Jen knows this, but I’m not striving for perfection. I’m just striving for mediocrity. But I guess I Just Want to Be Mediocre isn’t a good book title.
Don’t let the Perfect title fool you, though. This book takes the cult of perfection and turns it on its head. As women we are constantly bombarded with messages to be the perfect girlfriend, wife, mother, woman, dominatrix. These “helpful” tips are provided by practically every media outlet and glossy magazine (which is why I don’t buy them – I’m perfectly fine being mediocre, thank you), and amplified by social media. Even if you’re like me (just trying to get by), we’ve all felt the pressure to be perfect – to look younger, thinner, prettier, smoother while trying out the 7 tricks guaranteed to turn him on! (like looking at him and saying yes? It’s one trick. It’s all one trick, people.) at night and then carrying in the latest Pinterest-inspired dessert to school the next morning for your little angel’s class party. The pressure is constant and overwhelming. And, it’s everywhere.
It’s also false. Perfection is an impossible goal. Yet, we fall prey to it. It’s hard not to, I suppose, when we are always being told we are not good enough, that we are in need of improvement. So we try the latest workout craze (hot or naked yoga anyone?) or diet fad or waxing trend or miracle wrinkle product or vaginal care services (forget steaming – may I interest you in a little vaginal weightlifting?) or bleaching of any kind including those parts that have no business ever being bleached or making a mad attempt to declutter our homes to vanquish all those thing that don’t spark joy. What if it’s your kids? What if your kids don’t spark joy? How do you get rid of them?What if your kids don't spark joy? How do you get rid of them? Click To Tweet
No one’s got that answer to that, now do they? That’s the advice we all really need. If someone figured that out, I bet we wouldn’t need all the other crap.
So, ladies, if you’ve ever tried to be perfect and failed, you’re not alone. In this humorous collection, 37 women detail their misguided quest for perfection and the epic failures that result. My piece wasn’t so much about striving for perfection in the typical sense. It was more about my pursuit of perfect health. Or, at least, decent health. Some kind of health because my back had been bothering me for years. Then several months ago I went on a quest to improve my health, and even that I couldn’t get right. Read my story in I Just Want to Be Perfect. I promise you’ll laugh. And check out the bang-up collection of other humor writers who share their funny fails along with mine.
Bethany Kriger Thies – Bad Parenting Moments
Deva Nicole Dalporto – MyLifeSuckers
Julianna Wesby Miner – Rants From Mommyland
LOLA LOLITA – SammichesPsychMeds / MockMom
Kim Bongiorno – Let Me Start By Saying
Alyson Herzig – The Shitastrophy
Kathryn Leehane – Foxy Wine Pocket
Harmony Hobbs – Modern Mommy Madness
Erin Dwyer Dymowski – Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms
Tara Wood – Love Morning Wood
Kelcey Kintner – The Mama Bird Diaries
Lisa René LeClair – Sassypiehole
Joelle Wisler – Joelle Wisler, Writer
Christine McDevitt Burke – Keeper of The Fruit Loops
Meredith Spidel – The Mom of the Year
Meredith Gordon – Bad Sandy
Nicole Leigh Shaw – NicoleLeighShaw.com
Allison Hart – Motherhood, WTF?
Jennifer Lizza – Outsmarted Mommy
Suzanne Fleet – Toulouse and Tonic
AK Turner – Vagabonding with Kids
Robyn Welling – Hollow Tree Ventures
Ashley Fuchs – The Malleable Mom
Kim Forde – The Fordeville Diaries
E.R. Catalano – Zoe vs. the Universe
Chrissy Woj – Quirky Chrissy
Stacey Gill – One Funny Motha
Wendi Aarons – wendiaarons.com
Jen Simon – jensimonwriter.com
Janel Mills – 649.133: Girls, the Care and Maintenance Of.
Jessica Azar – Herd Management
Susanne Kerns –The Dusty Parachute
Audrey Hayworth – Sass Mouth
Hedia Anvar – Gunmetal Geisha
Christine Organ – christineorgan.com
Shya Gibbons – ShyaGibbons
Now you can get your copy of the fourth book in The New York Times best-selling series, and laugh along with us at the silly and impossible pursuit of perfection.