Whoever said “Don’t go to bed angry” never had to wrestle gummy bears from a child in pajamas.
— Suburban Snapshots (@SuburbanSnaps) November 7, 2014
And who hasn’t? Of course if they would just listen…
I wish my kids listened to me like they listen to Mickey Mouse — Punk Rock Papa (@punkrockpapa1) October 1, 2015
I’m thinking of getting a big mouse suit. If it will help, I’ll do it.
Of course, had I just taken debate class in college I might not find myself in this position.
Who knew 20yrs after Debate class I’d apply those skills to present arguments to 7yo on why pasta shapes don’t change the taste of pasta. — Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) November 9, 2014
That’s why we need a parenting university. There’s so much we need to learn.
If there were a parent training university I’d expect an entire 4 unit class on how to quietly open a bag of chips. — Bunmi Laditan (@BunmiLaditan) November 14, 2014
That class would fill up in a hot second. You can’t even unwrap a pack of gum without your kids hearing it from three rooms away. What they don’t hear is your instructions to directly to them when standing in the same room. But now there’s a solution.
Changing the wifi password is the easiest way to get your kids to do their chores. — Rock (@TheMichaelRock) November 24, 2014
Can’t wait to try it.
At soccer, there’s a mom on the sideline with 3 kids under 5… Would it be weird if I gave her a hug?? — Momma Unfiltered (@MommaUnfiltered) October 18, 2014
Not at all. I’m sure no one needs it more than she does.
Except maybe me.
I’d like to spend more time with my kids. It’s just that they’re really annoying.
— OneFunnyMotha (@OneFunnyMotha) November 19, 2015
Which is why…
More and more I find myself saying, “I could really use a glass of wine right now.” — OneFunnyMotha (@OneFunnyMotha) November 20, 2015
The funny thing is it’s not because they were annoying me at that particular moment. That thought actually came to me last Friday night as I was watching my son’s Tae Kwon Do lesson. Sitting there it came to me. Wine just would have made the whole experience a lot more enjoyable, you know?
But there are some things not even wine can fix.
I threatened to QUIT my housewife of hell job last night…loudly. If anyone has figured out how to do that, let me know. — Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell) November 13, 2014
I’d like that answer, too, if anybody has it.
Maybe say you have ebola?
And, finally, because it’s funny:
I got married so my kids could have someone to do their math homework with them. — Mrs.Throbinson (@mellimelle) February 11, 2014
I can’t think of a better reason, really.
If you like this you will love my book, I STILL JUST WANT TO PEE ALONE, the third installment in The New York Times best-selling series from some of the funniest women on the web. For a good time get it on Amazon, Kindle, iTunes and Barnes and Noble. I will love you forever.
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