More Funny Search Terms and The Big Reveal

Crack is Whack.

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Notice anything different? This is my Big Reveal. I’ve been new and improved by Jen Kehl of Beyond Blog Design. I know the changes aren’t drastic. They’re subtle, which is not the way of the internets, but I like to do things the hard way. And subtle suits me. I’m not really that flashy. I’ve always gone against the stream, which usually is to my own detriment, but I can’t help it. I’m an iconoclast at heart. It’s a curse. But as my son would say, “I not like it, stream.” 

I had to make some changes around here because my host was super slow, and I wanted some fancy new wingdigs and dodads so I hired Jen who is the bestest. Better than all the restest. Except she did yell at me that one time. Well, she didn’t quite yell. She just said, “no,” to one of my requests, adding, “that’s not how the internet works, woman.” But it felt a little like yelling.

I jest, of course. Jen worked with me and explained everything. She was very good and kind. I will miss our daily Facebook chats about why I can’t have the stupid, Goddamn font I selected or why she can’t just make all the decisions herself because I don’t know, to which she responds with some techobabble, and I have no idea what the hell she’s talking about. Prime example. This is a direct quote from our Facebook chats, which are very similar to fireside chats but for the digital age. “Believe it or not this is tied to how we made the titles on the home page bigger. Would you believe they use the same CSS tag?!!!!???” I wanted to respond in indignation, “I most certainly I cannot!” but I didn’t know what the hell she was talking about. Did she forget who she was dealing with? If I knew what a CSS tag was, I’d be coding this shit myself. I wanted to say, “Um, Jen, it’s me. Please remove all CSS tags from our conversation.” But I just assumed the whole zany CSS thing was a coder inside joke and played along, pretending I was in on it.

The redesign all went very smoothly and quickly, and Jen educated me along the way, which is what I love about her services the most. Well, that and she actually calls you. On the phone. And you get to hear a live voice. She also offers a free consultation so you can talk to her before you decide to do any work or determine if you’re going to do work at all. And, she knows her stuff as evidenced by the CSS comment above.

But that’s not why you’re all here, is it? I promised you funny search terms, and dammit I’m gonna deliver. The good thing about having your site redesigned is that it forces you to pay attention to your blog. While I was poking around in the guts, which I typically try to avoid, I noticed some really fantastic search terms, and I said to myself, “Oh, this has the makings of a blog post right here.” I loves me some good search terms. Search terms bring me so much joy. I only hope they bring you the same. For more fun with search terms read More Fun With Search Terms and the piece that started it all, Searching for Answers: Funny Search Terms that Delivered People Straight to My Door with door meaning virtual door. (And, to all of you who search and wind up here, I’m sorry.)

Here are 15 Funny Search Results along with my reflections.

First, we have Micro Bikinis. Ok, well, that’s a no brainer. Peoples gonna be searching the interwebs for that.

Naked Men in Yoga Training. No, you should never type those words into Google. Ever.

10 Signs You’re Old as Hell. Old as hell. Because being old isn’t bad enough.

10 Signs You're Old as Hell.


Funny Advice Blog. Aww, thank you. I am incredibly honored.

You’ve Been Boozed. I wish.

Use Sesquipedalian in a Sentence. Person who wrote this, I love you.

Homemade Candy Corn Costume. I am here for all your homemade candy corn costuming needs.

Man Butt Crack. Take it back. Take that search term back right now and never Google it again.

Butt Crack guy?
You asked for it.


Mad Scientist Costume. Got that, too.

Detached Parenting. Allow me to show you the way.

PTO Breakfast is a Pain in the Ass. Tell me about it.

I Hate Playdates. Um, yeah.

I’m Lost and I Can’t Find Myself. Been there, sister.


Cute Hermit Crab Cages. Aww, how nice. We would do anything for our little hermit crabs, too. They’re just like family members.

Funny Tweets About Kids. Have your pick.

Like this? Find even funnier stuff in I STILL JUST WANT TO PEE ALONE, the third installment in The New York Times best-selling series from some of the funniest women on the web. What I’m trying to say is, I’m in this book. Buy it, ok? Available on AmazonKindleiTunes and Barnes and Noble. I will love you forever. 



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