It’s Tuesday so you know what that means. Well, you probably don’t since I haven’t done Tweetpeat Tuesday in forever. But I’m doing it today so quit your complaining. I can’t be expected to be on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest all at the same time, can I? I suppose I can since I’m a blogger, and bloggers are supposed to be posting on all social media all the time forever. Which is hard for me. I’m doing the best that I can, ok? I was brought back to my Twitter roots last week, though, and I rounded up yet more sage parenting advice from the world’s premiere source. So listen up.
It’s not so much parenting as it is mental torture.
— OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) July 9, 2015
If you’re done with it, throw it on the floor. – toddlers — No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) July 1, 2015
It’s strange how drastically your life changes after you have kids.
Life goals at age 10: 1) Be an astronaut. 2) Make lots of money. 3) Get elected president. Life goals at age 30: 1) Oreos 2) naps — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 9, 2015
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let’s not get get ahead of ourselves. We need to scale back on our ambitions a bit. Let’s just hope for naps.
This may help in reaching that goal.
I’m gonna get eyes tattooed on my eyelids so I can sleep all day and my kids will think I’m still watching them. — OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) June 30, 2015
Although it won’t stop this…
It’s when my son yells at me that “the blueberries go IN the waffles, not ON the waffles!” that I realize he’s not paying me nearly enough. — Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) July 2, 2015
Especially when you consider…
Whats this kids eat free bullshit. When was the last time you saw a 4 year old pick up the lunch tab??They always eat free — Hal O be thy name (@Halbeerz) May 17, 2012
It’s true. My kid hasn’t ever paid for jack. And he’s always eating all my food.
Hey kids, mom is awake, hide the breakfast Pringles! — Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 5, 2015
Which may be why…
Yelled at my kid to go to sleep so I could have some time to myself to eat 3-month-old Easter candy in my bed with some god damn dignity — Kate Spencer (@katespencer) June 28, 2015
Ain’t nothing wrong with that. Or this:
I give my kids missions instead of chores because that makes it more fun. Oh look, mission get dad a beer is almost complete. — Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 30, 2015
He just nailed parenting.
The all-time best parenting advice, though, may be this.
Randomly yell out, “Be careful!” Parenting is easy! — OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) July 3, 2015
So very easy. I don’t know what everyone’s making such a big deal about.
If you liked this, you’ll love I STILL JUST WANT TO PEE ALONE, the third installment in The New York Times best-selling series from some of the funniest women on the web. What I’m trying to say is, I’m in this book. Buy it, ok? Get it on Amazon, Kindle, iTunes and Barnes and Noble, and I will love you forever.
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