Guys, if you’re like me you’ve missed Tweetpeat Tuesday. But all that’s about to change. I’m bringing tweets back! Because nobody should have to go without good tweets. So here in no particular order or definable theme I give you 140-character nuggets of joy:
My personal style is best described as “didn’t expect to get out of the car.”
— Hot Breakfast (@amydillon) February 16, 2015
Tell me about it.
Then from my new soul sista:
My 10 yr old was worried because his 2 yr old brother was going into the girls’ bathroom. My response, “that’s OK, he’s wearing barrettes.” — SuburbanShitShow (@NicoleJShitShow) February 28, 2015
It’s all good, guys. I love boys in barrettes. They look so cute when they’re all dolled up. When Crazy was little (before he could fight back) we used to put clips in his hair. Now, my kids are older and have to think for themselves and all that nonsense and won’t listen to anything I say. But, to address that I’ve come up with a new, fail-proof system of dealing with them.
I’ve decided I’m only speaking to my kids through texts. That way I can be sure they heard me.
— OneFunnyMotha (@OneFunnyMotha) March 2, 2015
For reals, y’all. #HowMomsDo
You know what else is good parenting? This:
Guys, we gotta get #SeeHowYouLikeIt trending. We also need “Stop Louding” to be a thing.
And because I love everything that comes out of this woman’s mouth:
Sore chest & elbow-ey kids? Try this: Sports bra 3 tank tops Fleece sweatshirt & if you can get one, a cafeteria tray inside your shirt. — Joy Christi (@ComfyTownChroni) February 26, 2015
And then there’s this because my blog.
The new way to say effed up is “jeffed up.” That’s what FB autocorrect changed it to, and I kinda like it. — OneFunnyMotha (@OneFunnyMotha) February 27, 2015
Finally, I give you this, which I first found on Kate Hall’s Hall of Tweets for funniest tweet of the month, and you’ll see why.
My husband brought home one happy meal for two kids. Frankly things would have been less dramatic if he’d brought home a girlfriend. — Full Metal Mommy (@FullMetalMommy) February 16, 2015
What the hell’s wrong with that man? You can’t do that. That’s insanity. If it was my husband, I would have preferred he brought home a girlfriend to dealing with that mess.
That’s all I got for now. I tried to come up with a bunch more by scrolling through my Funny Peeps Twitter list, which I created when I first started on twitter all those years ago but never used until today. I set it up thinking I could pick up some funny tweets quick, but you would not believe how hard it was to find a funny tweet. WTH, people? I put you in there for a reason. So you could amuse me. For free. And I could easily add you to my blog posts. You really let me down.
But this was a good start, don’t you think. Until next time, my friends.
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