So I woke up this morning and said, “I really hope a have a draft saved on my blog for today.” I didn’t. Then I had to scramble to come up with something for your amusement. I hope you appreciate it.
I think I did alright. So, now, in no specific order is what I could come up with on the fly right before I was supposed to publish this post and after my computer ate the copy I had perfected, and I had to do it all over again.
Sucks that the Build-A-Bear is closing by me. Anyone know where else I can buy my kids a $5 stuffed bear for $55?
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) November 23, 2014
How I loathe Build-A-Bear. Thank God my kids are over that phase of overpriced ugly stuffed animals and onto overpriced video games. They may, however, never be over this phase.
Student: “OMG I hate algebra!” Me: “You’re 20 and carry a Hello Kitty pencil case. Algebra hates you too.” — Prof Peejay (@Prof_Peejay) September 29, 2014
I love Hello Kitty as much as the next person, but maybe when you’re in college lay off of the Hello Kitty accouterments a little.
You know what you shouldn’t lay off of? Telling someone how much they mean to you.
RT: Tell some1 u love them 2day because life is short- But shout it @ them in German b/c life is also terrifying & confusing @BonaFideIntent
— OneFunnyMotha (@OneFunnyMotha) November 19, 2014
It’s true. Life is too short. You gotta live it to the fullest. Case in point:
This is who I am now *folds a large pizza into a taco* — DaddyJew (@DaddyJew) September 14, 2014
At least he knows who he is. That’s an attractive quality. Plus, wasn’t that the concept behind Taco Bell’s Gordita?
I, too, know who I am now. And it’s this person.
Consulted an eye dr for some vision issues. His diagnosis loosely translated: “You’re fucking old, this is how you see now.” — Momma Unfiltered (@MommaUnfiltered) October 27, 2014
And this person…
Super excited to buy socks over the weekend if you wanna know how my life is going. — OneFunnyMotha (@OneFunnyMotha) November 24, 2014
I’m trying to be this person.
No, let’s try this again. I call. You don’t pick up the phone. I leave the voicemail I spent so long perfectly crafting in my head. The end. — Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) November 12, 2014
What the hell is wrong with people? Don’t they know you don’t answer the phone anymore? You know what else you don’t do? Intrude on people’s private lives.
I haven’t asked any of my coworkers what they’re doing for Thanksgiving bc I treat people the way I want to be treated. — bubble girl (@JessObsess) November 24, 2014
It’s called being courteous.
How many Ambien do I have to take to sleep through the holidays? — bubble girl (@JessObsess) November 25, 2013
Doing a load of wash at my in-laws & she insists on holding up each piece of laundry one by one including my underwear.
Ahh, family. But you know what?
Sometimes in life you have to do things you don’t want to do. Take every day, for example. — OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) October 27, 2014
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