Today’s special presentation is brought to you by the funny and fabulous Jessica Rapisarda of Welcome to the Bundle. If you don’t know her, what’s wrong with you? Just kidding, you’re fine, but allow me to introduce you.
For that alone, you should like her.
Here’s some more.
Why did you decide to start a blog, and did you have any idea what you were getting yourself into?
In early 2014, my pal Lauren Boston (of laurenbostonblog.com fame) suggested I try out for Listen to Your Mother DC. Because I suffer from intense stage fright, I decided that seemed like a really good idea. Frankly, I did not expect to be cast, but I was. My euphoria lasted a hot second before it gave way to anxiety cramping. Almost everyone in the show actively blogged, and all of the publicity info proudly linked to these blogs. By comparison, my bio read like a how-to-be-sad-and-boring manual: “Jessica is a wife, mom, and technical editor. At one point in her life, she wanted to write poetry, but now she wants to pay off her student loans and get a pedicure from time to time.”
Right, so I started a blog to seem cool. I’m failing miserably, but I’m having fun.
OFM: You are NOT. Don’t talk about yourself that way. I won’t hear of it. Plus, I find blogging isn’t as easy as they make it out to be.
How long have you been at this racket?
My blog is only 9 months old, so there’s less spit-up than in the early days, but there’s still a lot of drool.
OFM: See what she did there? Her blog is her baby.
Do you have a blogging schedule? If so, what is it? Does it help? Does it change? Do you want to stomp on it, and tell people to go away – you have enough to do?
I try to post every Wednesday. In fact, I try to post no later than 8 a.m. every Wednesday. I don’t always succeed (either in posting by 8 or in posting on Wednesday), but I am more consistent than not. If time and topic permits, I sometimes sneak in an extra Monday or Friday post.
And, yes, it does help, because, without a deadline, I would put it off for another day and another day and another day, ad infinitum.
As an avid blog reader myself, I like to know when a new post will go up. So keeping to a schedule is just a little something I do for my followers too. (Suck on THAT, bloggers without a schedule!)
OFM: Um, that would be me.
That said, yes, I hate it. Because as much as I love writing, it never fails that I have to fight off the desperate need to take BuzzFeed quizzes when I should be working on the blog. (How else am I supposed to find out what kind of donut/jeans/dead actress I am?)
Tell us a little bit about your background. What did you do in your previous life or still do in addition to blogging? I guess what I’m getting at here is what uniquely qualifies you to be a blogger other than a dollar and a dream?
Do blogger qualifications actually exist? Because, if they do, there are a lot of stupid assholes I’d like to see thrown out of cyberspace.
OFM: No, no qualifications exist. That’s why it was funny. You’re the 1st person to pick up on my little joke so thank you.
Right, so about me: I have an MFA in creative writing (poetry, thank you very much). But when the poems didn’t make it rain, financially speaking, I became an editor and a technical writer. I’m not sure if that qualifies me to blog, but it at least qualifies me to use a semicolon like a boss.
OFM: Do NOT mess with this woman’s semicolons, yo.
Do you have any kids, how many and why? Why would you do that to yourself?
I have one kid. We call him Pork Chop. He’s just over a year-and-a-half old. Frankly, I don’t remember what, if any, thought process went into becoming a parent. As popular wisdom dictates, sometimes you just have to leap before you look
But I do know that my kid has thick black lashes and fat cheeks and that he has taken to greeting me in the morning by yelling, “Hello, world!”
OFM: Aww, what an optimistic little Pork Chop. We’ll cure (<–no pun intended, honestly) him of that soon enough.
If you don’t have children but do have some other wild animal living in your home, what is it & how many of them do you have?
We have a 10-year-old dog named Sarah. She is sweet, smart, and ejects tufts of fur like a boss. Incidentally, my sister is also named Sarah. (Our dog is a pound dog, and she came pre-named). So, out of fairness, if we ever get a second dog, we will name it Kim, after my other sister.
OFM: I’m going on record here and say I don’t like pets with human names. It’s not right. Our two cats came from the shelter, pre-named so we couldn’t change it, but why do people give pets human names? They should be snowflake or mittens or sparky so that when you are having a conversation and say, “Sarah is very ill and receiving treatment, but it doesn’t look good,” no one mistakes your dog for your dying sister. Which is what happened to me – not with your sister – but with Nancy who turned out to be my sister-in-law’s cat and not a person.
Which of the following statements (and this could have major implications for our relationship going forward) would you be more likely to agree with: Yes, people can have granddogs. Or, No, it’s physically impossible for people to have grandpets of any kind. This question is based on a bumper sticker I once saw, and I’m just trying to tell who among us is crazy. The answer will give us all the information we need.
The dawn of “granddogs” marks the twilight of Western civilization. The end will come when there are “grandplants.”
OFM: Thank you. Let that be the definitive answer on the subject.
What is your social media platform of choice? What social media or tech thingy should be wiped off the face of the earth?
I’m a Facebook gal, although I do use Twitter and Google+ and stuff. Social media can make me feel pretty stressed out. Sometimes I don’t want to hear the ding of another IM or notification. I still have a flip phone from 2008; that should tell you something.
What is one pet peeve of yours that no one should ever do in your presence if they know what’s good for them?
Exercise. Stop jogging in front of me and just let me enjoy my donut already. I mean, is this or is this not America?
What is one of your hidden talents if you have one? I, personally, have no talents other than being declared the best Kraft Mac & Cheese maker in my household.
I’m super good at breaking my pinkie toe and at watching gruesome medical shows while eating spaghetti with red sauce.
And – this was a question on a Facebook post going around – but I find it amusing & fun so let’s do it here. What are 3 movies you’ve seen more than 3 times?
Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure — It’s bizarre and amazing and possibly my favorite movie (and I say that non-ironically).The Big Lebowski — I’d watch it 100 times just to hear the line, “You’re not wrong, Walter. You’re just an asshole.” The Jerk — Seriously, why isn’t pizza in a cup a thing yet?
Finally, Steven Colbert: Great fake news anchor or greatest fake news anchor of all time?
Prepare yourself: I do not watch Steven Colbert regularly. I don’t watch the Daily Show either. I do, however, like Steven Colbert every time I see him.
(So, I guess this means you don’t wanna be bloggy buddies anymore?)
OFM: I don’t know. I’ll have to think about it.
Just kidding. I can’t not be buddies with you. No one can especially after they read this about Pork Chop and the parenting advice you received by the guys at Exxon. After that everyone will wanna be your friend and like your Facebook page because we all know that is the truest sign of friendship.
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