I’m back with the next installment of the new, hit series Better Know a Blogger. The whole thing kicked off last week with Abby Has Issues (check out her myriad issues here) and is my loving tribute to my hero and yours, Stephen Colbert, and his Better Know a District segment only with less politics and more blogging. Today we have the lovely Teri from Snarkfest who is actually quite sweet and who’s claim to fame is that she lives in the very same town as Turtle Man! Yes, The Turtle Man.
1. Why did you decide to start your blog, and did you have any idea what you were getting yourself into?
My friends would tell me how funny I was, and I’ve always enjoyed writing. That doesn’t mean that I consider myself good in any way, shape or form, but I love attention and I love making people laugh. It was either blog or go into stand-up comedy. And I have stage-fright, so blogging was the obvious choice.
2. How long have you been at this racket?
I’ve been blogging since May of 2012 but I still feel like I have NO clue what I’m doing. Seriously.
3. Do you have a blogging schedule? If so, what is it? Does it help? Does it change? Do you want to stomp on it, and tell people to go away – you have enough to do?
I blog when I get an idea. But if something pops into my head, and I’m not able to blog about it right away, I make a note in my phone. And then I go back and look at the note and think: “What the hell was THAT all about??” I have a note in my phone that I thought was going to be, like, a Pulitzer Prize winning piece. It was such a fantastic idea at the time.The note says “Beach30.”
I have no idea what that means. I gotta start writing a little more detail on my notes.
4. Tell us a little bit about your background: What did you do in your previous life or still do in addition to blogging? I guess what I’m getting at here is what uniquely qualifies you to be a blogger other than a dollar and a dream?
I’m totally unqualified to write. My fingers move way too fast for my brain, and once my brain catches up, I have to go back and correct a shit-ton of mistakes that the lightning fingers make.
Before I started blogging, my kids ate 3 meals a day, my house was clean and I was a very nice person. Now that I’m blogging, the kids have learned how to use the microwave, the dustbunnies have grandbunnies and I’m a complete bitch who rants all the time. So yeah, it’s really working out well for everyone!
5. Do you have any kids, how many and why? Why would you do that to yourself?
I have two teenage daughters, 17 and almost-15. It seemed like a good idea at the time. They were good for a tax write-off, but damn they’re really expensive. Puppies would’ve been cheaper (and easier to care for. And quieter.)
6. If you don’t have children but do have some other wild animal living in your home, what is it and how many of them do you have?
One dumbass cat and two dogs who are brothers. That’s how I know that dogs would’ve been easier than kids. But the dogs ARE much hairier than the kids, so I guess that’s something, right?
7. Which of the following statements (and this could have major implications for our relationship going forward) would you be more likely to agree with: Yes, people can have granddogs. Or, No, it’s physically impossible for people to have grandpets of any kind. This question is based on a bumper sticker I once saw, and the answer will tell us everything we need to know.
Well those who don’t have kids but do have pets say they have ‘furbabies,’ and it’s not my place to tell them differently. So I guess if some old person has a child with no children of their own and the old person has no grandbabies to call their own, they have to make do with what they have, right? So yeah, let’s give the ‘granddogs’ to the old, lonely folks whose bloodline will never be carried on. I think it’s the least we can do for them.
Editor’s Note: This is a wholly unexpected answer from the Snarkanator (I thought she’d be on my side), yet it’s a very compassionate, reasoned and respectful response. See how nice she is?
8. What is your social media platform of choice? What social media or tech thingy should be wiped off the face of the earth?
I live on Facebook, so that’s my social media platform of choice. And I believe that Instagram should be demolished, destroyed, wiped away. Last year, the kids in the middle school in my town had created a group on Instagram where they were posting nude selfies. MIDDLE. SCHOOL. It was awful, the principal had a State Trooper come in and talk to the kids. Most of them were shitting themselves, even the innocent ones who don’t even own smart phones were nervous.
9. What is one pet peeve of yours that no one should ever do in your presence if they know what’s good for them?
Poor grammar makes my eyes burn, my ears bleed and my skin crawl. I remember when I was a teenager working on the Boardwalk in Wildwood, NJ, and this REALLY cute guy came in with a buddy. I can’t remember if they were playing Skeeball or the big machine that you put quarters in that moves the other quarters around and gives you tokens when the quarters drop (I can’t remember what it’s called). Anyway to make a long story longer, this guy had an assload of tokens, and his buddy came over to talk to him and the cute boy said “Yo, Bobby, look at all them tokens I wan!” After my head finished spinning and he cashed in ‘all them tokens he wan’ his cuteness dropped by a factor of 1000. So yeah, I can’t stand poor grammar.
10. What is one of your hidden talents if you have one? I personally have no talents other than holding the title of Best Kraft Mac & Cheese Maker of the Household.
I make really pretty babies. And I can match socks in a very mediocre fashion, but since I seem to be the only person in the house that actually DOES match up socks, I win the gold medal.
11. And – this was a question on a Facebook post going around – but I find it amusing & fun so let’s do it here. What are 3 movies you’ve seen more than 3 times?
I’ve seen Better Off Dead about a thousand times. I paid to see The Empire Strikes Back 5 times when it came out in 1980, and I used to watch The Sands of Iwo Jima (old black and white John Wayne movie) with my mom every time it came on when I was growing up, so I’ve probably seen that one about 997 times.
12. Finally, Steven Colbert: Great fake news anchor or greatest fake news anchor of all time?
Editor’s note: The following response had to be censored because it was not the right answer.
Bonus question, what is your favorite book or books?
The Harry Potter series is one of my faves because I read them along with my oldest daughter. Stephen King’s The Talisman, The Stand and The Green Mile are a couple of my favorite books. And I LOVE Janet Evanovich’s Stephanie Plum series.
Check out her top two favoritest posts, My Not-So-Secret Crush on Mike Rowe, where she dreams of one day meeting her one true love (her dream came true by the way), and the classic, Then I Got Stuck in a Dress as Goodwill. I mean, who doesn’t have one of those stories?
There you have it folks. Tune in next Wednesday for the next installment and better know a blogger.
Powered by Facebook Comments