Funny Tweets on Men & Women


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I was on vacation last week and off the internets for five glorious days. I gotta say it was pretty nice. The weather was perfect, the ocean crystalline, the waves phenomenal. And I’m a little sad now just thinking about it.

So I haven’t been bringing my A game to the blogosphere, but we all need a break sometime. To make up for it and to thank you for your patience and undying loyalty, I’m gonna start off with a bang with these hilarious tweets on marriage.

Did you hear that? Fact. Think about it. It has to be. Personally, I’d never shoot my husband while he was doing the dishes.    

I will get you
Photo credit: marsmet546 via photopin cc

I’d wait till after. (Just kidding. I’d never shoot my husband.) At least, I wouldn’t shoot him and write about it on the internet. That would be dumb.    

Here’s another fact for ya because I like to spread knowledge.  

My husband does that to me all the time. Then he claims he said it first. Which can lead to arguments. But, guys, I have some helpful advice for you when you’re having a disagreement with your lady.

So that’s one way.   If telling me to calm down isn’t enough to drive me into a murderous rage, I don’t know what is. Except this:

Am I right, ladies? That is some messed up stuff.    

You know what else is messed up? This.

And this.

Did no one see that?    What about this? 

Speaking of crying…

Oh, goody, because I’m always looking for ways to boost my workout and that’s usually what I’m doing anyway if I’m forced to run. I can’t say I’ve ever understood runners. I know people run. I know they train for marathons. I just don’t know why. Why would anyone do that? Why would anybody run if they’re not being chased?  

Word.

But worry no more. I’ve found the answer to all our miseries.

Right? What a great idea.  Or, you could always do this…

 

Look at the kitty!
You cannot resist the kitty. Photo credit: Marlon Trujillo Montaño via photopin cc

Yeah, just give me all of them.

If you like me here, you’ll love me on Facebook, Pinterest and Twitter.

For even more fun get your copy of  I STILL JUST WANT TO PEE ALONE, the third installment in The New York Times best-selling series from some of the funniest women on the web. What I’m trying to say is, I’m in this book. Buy it, ok? Available on AmazonKindleiTunes and Barnes and Noble. I will love you forever. 

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