More Funny Search Terms

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It’s time for another round of What Brought You Here Today? My favorite game where I analyze the bizarre and funny search terms that lead deeply troubled people to my blog.

Yeah, I know I wrote about these things. But I was mocking them. There’s a difference. And, I didn’t go out in search of them. They found me. I don’t want to know these things, but if I do, you must too. That’s how it works.

Don't hate me because I found a good photo.
Don’t hate me because I found a good photo. Photo credit: glennwilliamspdx via photopin cc

You already know I’m the #1 source for butt crack and naked yoga searches. That’s right. Number one, Bay-beee! Which I think may be attracting the wrong kind of audience. But, hey, bloggers can’t be choosers.

I spared you worse pictures just so you know. Photo:

Ok, enough chit chat. Let’s get to it, shall we?

Things he doesn’t jnow about me   I jnow this is a typo, but I like to read this search term as “things he just doesn’t ja now about me.” Because it’s funny.

Who is the blonde girl in the yoplait greek commercial 2014  I have no idea. Why are you asking me?

Do people hate playdates   Must you ask that question? Really? Is the answer not inherent in the question? While I’ll take anyone finding my blog any which way, I do wish Google was a little more acerbic in its responses. Something like, “Um, yeah, they do” should pop up on an otherwise blank screen. No other search result necessary.  

Bored   Someone search “bored.” Just “bored.” Not what to do when you’re bored or ideas for when you’re bored. Just bored. That’s how bored he was. He couldn’t even muster up the energy to include other words in his search, and while I’m honored the internets whisked him away to my site where he would find endless amusement and never be bored again (I can only assume), I’m a little concerned about this guy (and anyone finding my blog through the term, “bored.”)

Comedian Gallagher’s eccentricity of the english language   This one brings me real pride. Do you know what this means? This means someone entered Gallagher’s name and found me. Me! Gallagher and I are inextricably linked forever. Because once it’s on the internet, it’s there for perpetuity.  

Man with no buttcrack  Huh?

Costco croutons   It’s mind boggling how many people search for this. Why would anyone do a search for croutons? Why? What could you possibly hope to ascertain? And who has that much time on their hands? I bet it was the bored guy. I mean who else could it be? I know I wrote a post about it, but I had a perfectly legitimate reason. To make fun of my husband. And, it was really a post on the larger subject matter of getting banned from Costco (for buying an 5-pound bag of croutons no one could possibly eat in one lifetime).

Piss piliferous  I don’t know why anyone needs to get nasty. I’m just trying to do my part to help the general public enhance their English skills. There’s no need to curse with your definition searches, sir. Please, keep it civil. (Don’t know what piliferous means? Learn more here. You’ll be glad you did.)

Wise and funny tweets  Why, thank you. That’s how I’ve always tried to craft my tweets – to be wise and funny. It’s my goal to elevate the level of tweet on the internets.

Best funny blogs 2014   I made the front page! I don’t know how, but I’ll take it. I actually think it’s because of the VoiceBoks contest I won for the Top 10 Hilariously Funny Bloggers, which you’d think would pour readers onto my blog, but no. Oh, internet, you work in mysterious ways. I’ll never figure it out.



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8 thoughts on “More Funny Search Terms”

  1. I found you when I googled Costco croutons. True story. (Sort of. Except actually I think I found you when you and Kelly from Foxy Wine Pocket were having the “pussy pants” competition. But that’s ALMOST THE SAME THING, isn’t it??)

  2. I love these posts. I keep saying I’m going to do one, but I haven’t gotten around to it. I have done a couple of PG Spring Break posts in the past, but let me tell you something: The people searching for spring break stuff aren’t looking for PG. I swear their search words and phrases make ME blush sometimes. Okay, no, they don’t–but you get what I’m saying!

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