Yesterday I casually pulled out a glass from the cabinet, poured some ice tea in it without really paying attention and sat down at my desk (i.e. dining room table) to write. Before this page even loaded I went to take a sip and this is what I found.
My glass says & I quote, “Take pride in your beer.” I think we should all take that to heart.
— OneFunnyMotha (@OneFunnyMotha) April 6, 2014
If nothing else, we could at least do that, right? We may not take pride in out job, our children, our home, but, damn it if we’re not gonna drink quality beer. We still have a little bit of self respect.
Mr. Potato Head recently brought home that glass from a wild night out at Applebees. Actually, he was with the kids so he needed a beer, and it was Sam Adams Saturdays. He got a souvenir beer mug with every order of the beer. So now we have about 20 of those glasses. Which is good because now not only do I have a set of matching glasses, but I also learned a valuable lesson. The lesson here is we’d all do well to heed the council of our drinkware. If not, from whence will we find reliable advice?
I have another piece of advice for you, if you’re a parent, and this time from it’s from me not my beer mug.
I just ripped open my #kids‘ Easter candy & ate it & I don’t care what they say. I paid for it.
— OneFunnyMotha (@OneFunnyMotha) April 27, 2014
Don’t be fooled by your kids sorrowful faces as they watch you tear through their chocolate bunnies and Reese’s Peanut Butter Eggs. You own that. I don’t care if they cry. Maybe if they weren’t stingy, greedy hoarders, they could have some. But it’s not all candy over here. I eat my kale and flax seeds, too, because I’m down with health.
In fact, I just hopped on the latest food trend.
When I saw chia seeds in the supermarket the other day and read that they were the “Aztec superfood,” I said, “I’ve gotta have em. If they’re good enough for the Aztecs, they’re good enough for me.”
Bought a bag of chia seeds b/c I’m all 4 health. Didn’t bother 2 look @ the price b/c it was a bag of seeds. Guess how much they were? Guess — OneFunnyMotha (@OneFunnyMotha) April 24, 2014
You couldn’t guess, could you? I know you couldn’t. Because nobody can. Because it’s a preposterous amount of money. I will say Erica McCarty came close. She guessed $25. Not that it would have won her anything, but it did go to show she’s got a bright future as a contestant on “The Price is Right.”
It was actually $17. Just let me reiterate, they’re seeds.
Then after I have this whole conversation with Mr. Potato Head about the seeds and the cost and the Aztecs and everything he goes and does this.
What is wrong with that man? Does he not understand the value of a dollar?
I’m really not sure if he’s allowed to eat my chia seeds anymore. He hasn’t shown the appropriate level of appreciation so I’m saving them for myself.
I’m all loading up on my superfoods. I’m like teflon. Try to kill me. Just try. It can’t be done. W/ kale & chia seeds I’ll live forever.
— OneFunnyMotha (@OneFunnyMotha) April 25, 2014
Too bad I can’t afford to be this healthy.
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