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I posted about co-ed naked yoga on Facebook when I discovered this was an actually thing. But I quickly realized a mere Facebook status update was not enough. I have more, much more, to say on this topic.
My thought process went like this: Who the hell does this? And then: Who does it and finds other people willing to do it, too? And then: Who does it, finds a group of willing participants and pays for the privilege of stripping naked in front of a room full of strangers to strike a very awkward and revealing pose? That’s were I really run into trouble wrapping my head around this whole thing.
I could see some wacko wanting to do naked yoga. That’s fine. Do your naked yoga in your bedroom alone with the shades drawn. No problems here. But don’t take that out into the public sphere for Pete’s sake. Allow me just a little bit of brain space free from such thoughts. It’s the least you can do. Is it not bad enough we have Miley Cyrus and the Kardashians to deal with?I could see some wacko wanting to do naked #yoga. That's fine. Do your #nakedyoga in your bedroom alone with the shades drawn. Click To Tweet
When I read the article about the Bold and Naked studio in New York, I felt compelled to review the proponents’ statements out of a desperate need to understand. Why? Why did they do this?
Their arguments did not help me. Here are the participants’ delusional statements followed by actual reality.
“When we’re naked it’s like we are all the same,” one practitioner said. Actually, the opposite is true. When you’re in a co-ed naked class you can see exactly how you are not the same.
The article also stated that naked yoga is about “finding the strength to expose your vulnerability and connect to yourself and others on the deepest level.” You know what? I’m good. I really don’t want to connect with complete strangers on the deepest level. Call me old fashioned, but I think we should get to know each other a little first. I’d like to at least be taken out to dinner before I disrobe in front of someone.
I just don’t know how you’d be able to take this class and look anyone in the eye afterward. Or, how you’d handle that gut-wrenching moment when you have to walk into a crowded room full of strangers naked. I’m assuming they have locker rooms. Perhaps they just strip down right there in class? But that would be a little awkward, don’t you think?
I wouldn’t even want to do naked yoga by myself let alone in a room full of people and certainly not with members of the opposite sex. I don’t even like being in fully clothed co-ed yoga classes. Yoga is a very personal and intimate practice especially if it requires partnering, and I don’t like touching or grabbing strangers’ bodies of either sex. I actually quit one yoga class after a partnering exercise where I and the nice woman next to me had to spot each other. Positioned behind her, I had to hold her waist as she did a hand stand and spread her legs into a V formation. If you’ve never done such a pose, let me explain something to you. This position means my face is at direct ass-level while she’s upside down, balancing on her hands. It also means I am in very close proximity to her anus as I’m gripping her torso. It was not only forced, extreme intimacy but also rather unpleasant. I felt violated.
Then it was my turn.
I did my pose thankful I had bathed that morning, left the class and never went back. So the idea of this co-ed naked yoga just boggles my mind. Especially when you think about how common downward dog is in classes. How the hell are you going to do a downward dog naked?
Think about it people. This is what we are talking about here.
The thing is when I hear stuff like this it makes me question the kind of world I live in. It also makes me question whether I want to be a part of that world. Right now I’m leaning toward no. To each their own I say. I just don’t want to know about it. If I know, I have to confront it. I have to acknowledge exactly how insane this place is. And I don’t want to do that. I want to think I live in a good world, a nice world, a world that makes sense.
Instead, I have to know I live in a world with naked yoga.
*Just so you know I spared you some of the more disturbing images.
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Top photo credit: Facebook/NudeDudeYoga
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