My life is now complete. Grumpy Cat, public figure, pillar of society, and spokeskitty has recognized me from among the masses and started following me on Twitter!
When I woke yesterday morning and checked my Twitter feed, there on the screen before my very eyes was that telltale thumbnail square frowning back at me. “Could it really be?” I gasped. I pressed my face closer to the screen and peered intently. Yes, it was. It was! Whenever I see Grumpy Cat’s contemptuous, little face, it always fills me with such joy. Gazing into her eyes on the computer screen or magazine cover, I can feel a connection. I feel like she’s the only one who really gets it. Seeing the little avatar in my queue yesterday I thought to myself, “I’ve arrived.”
As I was preparing to tweet all about it, though, I hesitated. Before I went bragging to the whole world about how Grumpy Cat and I are tight now and how we’re setting up kitty play dates and how she can’t wait to read my next tweet, I’d better check to make sure this was the official Twitter account of the official Grumpy Cat, which is when I learned there are about 5,000 different Grumpy Cat Twitter accounts.
I couldn’t even find the official Grumpy Cat twitter account at first which goes to show how many of them there are. There’s @GrumpyCat, @GrumpyyCat, @_GrumpyCat, @ImGrumpyCat, @ImGrumpytheCat, and @RealGrumpyCat, which is the real Grumpy Cat because the account says it’s the official one. But then I thought what’s to stop anyone from calling their account the official account? Then how would you know which official account is the official account?
I also started wondering about something else. Are there a million of these types of scornful cats in the world? Could I, perhaps, get a sad little kitty, take a picture, post it on the internet and call it Extreme Grumpy Cat with the tag line of “The Ultimate in Misery?” Then I could ghost write Extreme Grumpy Cat’s memoirs. I’d have a best seller!
So I started doing a little research and found that the owner believes the frowny face is due to feline dwarfism although neither the mother or father have it and she was not bred to look this way. This probably makes it unlikely I’ll find an Extreme Grumpy Cat of my own to rise to stardom, develop multiple product lines and write a best seller. Damn it!
My dreams of the glamourous life jetting around to do kitty guest appearances, exotic photo shoots on the beaches of St. Tropez (hey, if you wanna sell Friskies Tropical Crunch line it has to appeal to your target market) and 6-figure kitty litter endorsement deals are all ruined.
As we’ve already discussed my cats are good for nothing slackers. That’s the problem with cats today. They just don’t have the work ethic they used to. The work ethic that’s gotten Grumpy Cat to where she is today. When are kitties gonna learn? Kitty litter endorsement deals don’t just come knocking down your door.
I also learned some other interesting things in my research. Grumpy Cat fact #2: She loves to hide behind the curtains. Oh.My.God that’s just like my cat! Also, Grumpy’s real name is Tartar Sauce. But my favorite fun fact is that despite the glamorous life Grumpy Cat leads, “99% of the time she is a normal kitty.”
I also found out I’m not really being followed by Grumpy Cat. But I am being followed by a Grumpy Cat. And, I’ll take it.
Then today when I checked back on Twitter, the impostor Grumpy Cat disappeared all together. I can’t even get a fake grumpy cat to follow me.
Powered by Facebook Comments