Before we get to the advice from the first name in parenting, Twitter, I’ll start with a question followed by a declarative statement.
Why are #kids so weird? Seriously. They need to grow up.
— OneFunnyMotha (@OneFunnyMotha) November 13, 2013
Am I right? Life would be so much better if we didn’t have to tell them boogers aren’t a food group or explain why public urination is not condoned by civilized society or inform them that wearing a jacket when it’s 2 degrees usually helps. Case in point. This morning I drove my kids to school, and while typically I don’t do that, it was exactly 9 degrees out when I stepped outside, and I didn’t want them to get midway to school and freeze in place like some sort of ice sculpture. Driving them wasn’t a big deal, and it should only take a minute, but the problem came, as it so often does, when it was time to exit the vehicle.
This AM as I drop Crazy @ school, line of cars forming, he slowly opens door stops & says: When’s Easter? Which is when I scream: GET OUT! — OneFunnyMotha (@OneFunnyMotha) March 4, 2014
I felt a little bad after that, ok? But it’s just like, really, at 8:00 in the morning when you’re half out of the car on the way to school that’s what you’re thinking about? I‘m sure he had no idea why I was screaming like a lunatic when all he did was ask a simple question, but some day 40 years from now when he has his own kids, he’ll understand.
If dealing with Crazy’s out-to-lunchness first thing in the morning (which at other non-time-sensitive times I find amusing) isn’t enough, I also have The Man to contend with.
Last night Finding Bigfoot was researching a report of a bigfoot siting in NJ. Husband is now planning next camping trip 2 NJ Pine Barrens. — OneFunnyMotha (@OneFunnyMotha) January 28, 2014
Sadly, this is my life.
Then the other day I actually had a friend – a woman – say she also believed in Bigfoots (that’s the plural), and I said, “No, no, not you, too, Cindy!” And I just want to clear one thing up, if there really were Bigfoots in the world, the BFRO, Big Foot Research Organization (oh, yes, that’s what these people call their group, which is a good way to find yourself single), would have found them by now.
All that explains why I over eat. It’s all I got. It takes the mental anguish away for a little while, but then I just have to cope with the physical pain.
1st I was starving then I ate approximately 2,000 carrots w/ ranch dip, and now I feel like I have to puke. — OneFunnyMotha (@OneFunnyMotha) January 23, 2014
When will I learn? Probably never. Or when “Finding Bigfoot” finally gets cancelled.
Then I heard something on the radio that was even more ludicrous than Big Foot.
Seriously, what kind of advice is that? What exactly would we have in common? My kids aren’t exactly up on their geo-politics or who won the Oscars, and I don’t particularly care about the Netherworld portal on Mindcraft. This is precisely why we should never, ever interact. In fact, just recently – on yet another snow day – I said…
Just told The Kid “Today is not Annoy Mommy Day. Go find something to do or I’ll find something for you.” And that’s how it’s done folks. — OneFunnyMotha (@OneFunnyMotha) January 22, 2014
Parenting tips from a Masta.
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