You know how when you’re writing a blog post and you get up to get a drink of water but when you open the fridge to get the pitcher, you see the glass shelf is all smudged and smeared with food residue so you get the sponge to clean it up, and then you go to pour your drink and you notice the counter is all sticky because your kid just made chocolate milk and left the whole mess there because why should she have to clean up after herself, and so you wind up cleaning off not only that counter but all the counters and the table, too, because no one wiped it down after dinner last night because after cooking and doing a load of laundry and writing all day you were too tired, and it’s all full of crumb, and you’re pretty sure the cats were having a party on it last night even though they know they’re not supposed to be on the table, but just like your children they like to flout the rules when you’re not looking, and you can’t constantly be on vigil because you have to sleep sometime, but you can’t eat on a filthy table so you clean it off and then you realize it’s already 9:00 A.M., and you haven’t yet fed your kids, who are home on a snow day from school because a long holiday weekend and a delayed opening the day before wasn’t enough, and they’re probably hungry but they aren’t bothering you yet and so you don’t know if you should just let them starve for a bit while you write your blog post because it’s getting late and you haven’t even started it or feed them which will set you off course for at least an hour but then the phone rings and the momentary peace is broken and you know the gig is up and how are you ever gonna write your blog post now but it’s a kid asking your kid to come over and play and you’re like “Oh, thank God,” but then your kid asks if that kid can come over to your house instead and in your mind you’re like, “What the – how did that happen – that wasn’t the plan,” but it’s going to be a long day, and you have to keep them busy so you say, “Yes,” reluctantly and then your other kid, the one that you told earlier a snow day doesn’t mean it’s “annoy mommy day,” stalks glumly out of her room because she heard the phone, and that is the only thing in the whole house that gets anyone’s attention or respect, but she realizes it’s not for her and so just stands moping around so you ask her if she wants breakfast, and she says with an edge of sarcasm, “That would be nice,” but not enough sarcasm that you can call her on it so you let it slide, and then you say, “I can heat up Naan bread” because she doesn’t eat wheat or anything not processed, full of preservative or at all healthy, but she says she doesn’t want that so you shrug and hit her with “Have cereal then,” which is what she eats every day so you know she doesn’t want it, but it just might teach her a lesson about being smug and snotty, and right there and then you have your answer, and that is you WILL write your blog post now because these damn kids don’t even deserve any breakfast. That?
Just wondering. Ok, I have to go and make breakfast now.
If you like this, you will love my book, I STILL JUST WANT TO PEE ALONE, the third installment in The New York Times best-selling series from some of the funniest women on the web. For a good time get it on Amazon, Kindle, iTunes and Barnes and Noble. I will love you forever.
Powered by Facebook Comments