I’m equal opportunity over here if nothing else. So today I got Tweets for young and old alike, but mostly for the old. Because I’m old, and that’s how I roll. Plus, young people are stupid.
Take what Tommy Noble has to say for example because this might be the best example of all.
I’m “there’s only vodka flavored vodka” years old.
— Tommy Noble (@GeauxSaints79) August 8, 2013
I can totally relate.
Do we really need cup cake-flavored vodka? Because that’s a little disgusting. Let’s keep vodka in our vodka and cup cakes in our cup cakes, ok? Never the twain shall meet because those are two great tastes that taste great separately. Do I really have to explain this to the vodka companies? And young people?
Next, we turn to John for more astute observations on the changing times.
“Do you have a charger?” is the new “Can I bum a cigarette?”
— John (@angry_vet_) November 5, 2013
I swear young people just don’t know how to be cool anymore. Dummies.
Then, I just love Guy The Guy. Not only for his name but also for this:
If you can’t take the heat get out of my Pontiac Sunfire. No, you gotta roll the window down. The handle only works on the outside.
— Guy The Guy (@GuyThe_Guy) May 21, 2013
I remember those days. Sadly, kids today will never have those fond memories. They’re too busy having everything handed to them and driving around in their birthday Beamers or Benzes. Why earn anything anymore? That’s so 20th Century.
Perhaps one of my favorite tweets is from Peter Schultz. He shows us how to age with dignity and grace.
I fell asleep watching Jeopardy so I guess it’s time to get my affairs in order.
— Peter Schultz (@pete_schultz) November 5, 2013
Excellent point. I never knew this was the tell tale indicator for commencing will preparations. But I’m glad I know now because while this isn’t me yet, the time is nigh, people. The time is nigh. Plus, for my husband the time is here (better contact an attorney). He falls asleep in the middle of just about anything, even his favorites like “Gold Rush,” “Finding Bigfoot,” “North Woods Law” and “Mountain Monsters.” (Yes, that’s a real show. Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse than “Finding Bigfoot,” it does. Oh my God, it does.)
But his absolute favorite time to fall asleep is when I’m talking.
The latest example of that is when I was talking about my Halloween candy dilemma. He immediately went out cold so I had to turn to the only people in this world who really care about me, the tweeples, with this post.
— OneFunnyMotha (@OneFunnyMotha) November 7, 2013
Life is so unfair!
On the topic of kids and sucking…
Babies are the sequels of people. Many need a reboot.
— michael:$PATH (@michaelpath) November 5, 2013
I’m telling ya. Especially the ones ChrissyMae is dealing with.
Toddlers don’t give a shit about what fruits are in season.
— ChrissyMae (@CMaeTay) November 8, 2013
Do kids appreciate nothing anymore? Nothing! Just goes to prove my point. Kids are dumb.
And just so you don’t think I’m completely rude and unrefined, I leave you with this.
“True eloquence consists of saying all that is needed and only what is needed.” —François, VI, duke de La Rochefoucauld #quotes
— Real Simple Magazine (@RealSimple) November 5, 2013
I believe that’s precisely what I’ve done here. So there.
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