Ok, I might have over promised. But it’s still pretty good.
I know, I know. You’ve been thinking, Motha, how the hell are we supposed to communicate when you’re not providing us with our weekly word? But today all your troubles are over!
Alright, I know you don’t really care, but it makes me feel better when I think there are people (aside from my family members) out there who depend on me (my family just drains me. They suck). But fear not. If you have been depending on a weekly word, I have one for you. And it’s a good one.
You know how I try to pick my words thoughtfully and topically (well, I do)? Today I have one that lends itself easily to usage during the Halloween season (yes, I’m making it a season now. Try to stop me).
Pulchritudinous – (pul kri tood eh? nus) adj. Physically attractive.
I absolutely, positively love this word. Mostly because it sounds so awful, but also because what the hell? How can a word that sounds so awful possibly mean the exact opposite? It sounds like puke or putrid. And that’s exactly what people are going to think it is no matter what the actual definition is. This is sheer lunacy! Lunacy I tell you!
Maybe that’s why it fell out of fashion.
Anyway, here’s my suggested use in a sentence. In a Halloweeny context:
“Oh, my, Johnny, did you carve this pumpkin yourself?”
“Yes!” exclaims Johnny, beaming with pride.
“I must say it’s the most pulchritudinous pumpkin I have ever seen.”
Johnny bursts into tears, goes running from the room, and locks himself in his bedroom from, whence you hear occasional wailing, for the rest of the night. Which…may come in handy in certain situations. Hey, I’m just saying use your kids’ ignorance against them. It’s the only thing we got.
Or, alternately, again in a Halloweeny context – this time on Halloween when trick-or-treaters come to your door:
Opening the door, you say, “Oh, look at all of you! Such creative costumes. I see The Little Mermaid and Harry Potter and a fairy princess. Who else have we got?” Peering over the heads of the mini mob at your feet, straining to see the myriad clever ensembles, you gasp, “What pulchritudinous costumes you all have!” Then watch as the kids’ cheery faces drop, they glumly accept the candy offering and lumber slowly off your porch back to their exuberant waiting parents whom they then convince to take them straight home for the night.
Used in another context – because use of the word should never be limited to just Halloween – I suggest you use it in a romantic setting with a particularly beautiful woman. Men, listen up. I want you to try it out the next time you’re out on a date with a woman you’d like to impress.
Or when you’re out with your leading lady on a special occasion like, maybe, her birthday or your anniversary. I want you to wrap your arm around her waist, look her deep in the eyes and say, “You look absolutely pulchritudinous tonight.” And see what happens. Let me know how it works out.
Also, somewhat unrelated but somewhat related – if we’re talking about Halloween, and we are talking about Halloween (in fact, we will always be talking about Halloween because Halloween is the best season of all) – I wrote the definitive piece on corn mazes. That’s right all you corn maze scholars, you can stop right now. The final chapter has been written. I wrote about the amazing maize maze for Today’s Mama so check it out because you never know when you’re gonna be in the tri-state area and in need of a good corn maze. I’m looking out for you – and all your corn maze needs.
Vote for me? All it takes is just one click on the banner (everyday forever). Thanks!
Powered by Facebook Comments