I want some hot stuff, baby, this evening. I want some hot stuff, baby, tonight.
-The Great Donna Summer
I thought we’d start off with a quote today since Donna Summer’s song plays over and over in my head whenever I mention the words “hot pants.”
But these HotPants aren’t what you think they are. I’m not talkin daisy dukes or the short shorts in the Nair commercials of the 90’s. You know the ones. “Who wears short shorts? We wear short shorts,” which is what I thought they were when I first received the email in my inbox, exclaiming, “HotPants Review.”
I was like, HotPants? I think these people emailed the wrong person. Because I am not the hot pants-wearing type.
But when they said, HotPants, they meant literally hot. Because these are workout pants. Workout pants that make your body heat work double-time when you’re exercising or active to help you burn more calories.
Then I was like, Oh, I can get with that. Because as you’re all aware, at the beginning of the summer I made a proclamation wherein I said I was getting my act together and also my arse to the gym. Remember? It was the first day of the rest of my life.
The HotPants people must have seen that. Or, maybe they read my Twitter feed wherein I said:
U know what sucks? The gym not being optional anymore.
— OneFunnyMotha (@OneFunnyMotha) August 8, 2013
Holy cow does that suck. And that’s exactly where I am right now. So I kinda need these, and if you’re of a certain age (um, all people over 30) you do too. I mean if you don’t ever want to have to stuff yourself into Spanx. Because that is one line I will not cross. I don’t care how fat I get. I am not wearing life-sucking, soul-crushing (literally – they’re tight enough to crush your soul), full-body spandex.
I need to be free!
So Zaggora, a woman-owned company, sent me the pants, and this is my honest review of them (I wasn’t paid, but I was sent a pair to try). The HotPants definitely make you hot, which is good because according to the founder the body burns more calories when you are hotter, and with the Zaggora sportswear line the company claims the body can burn 11% more calories while exercising than with a regular garment and 13% more in the hour after you work out. After.
The tag line for the company is “clothing that burns calories,” and, you know what? I’ll take all the help I can get. Give me some of that calorie-burning clothing. Hell, I’ll wear it morning, noon and night.
I can’t exactly tell you if I’ve lost weight due to wearing the pants because I think you have to go to the gym more than once week to see results. But I can tell you the pants have been profiled all over the place. They’ve been in People, Cosmopolitan, Vogue, on Good Morning America and ABC’s Nightline, and they’ve developed a celebrity following.
As not-a-celebrity follower when I worked out in my HotPants I was all sweaty and disheveled and mostly out of breath, but the pants did make me look pretty good by camouflaging my stomach and not revealing my excess blubber by being too tight. In my sweaty, hot messness, I ran into my perfectly-coiffed friend who smugly mentioned she runs marathons for fun and thought the pants would be ideal for training. I had no idea. Because I would never run a marathon. Because marathons are not fun. So for all you marathoners out there, this just might be your ticket to that first place finish. Also, you should run. A lot.
The only thing I would say that’s a little unusual about the pants is the material. While form-fitting and similar in look to your regular spandex or nylon workout pants, the material is a little thick and made primarily of neoprene. It’s not uncomfortable thick, and it doesn’t interfere with your workout, but it’s thicker than your average pants. The special material, though, is how the pants keep your core temperature up to help burn extra calories. And, hands-down the pants are still better than cleansing or juicing or drinking colonoscopy goop or eating tapeworms (all of which I’ve heard of people doing) to lose weight.
My recommendation would for a pair in black. I was sent a blue pair (see above) that stood out a little too much when I like to sneak in and out of the gym without notice in my unwashed, bed-headed, ungroomed, sweaty state. Which brings to mind yet another wonderful song. This time by the inimitable C & C Music Factory and also perfect for working out.
“C’mon let’s sweat, sweee-aat. Let the music take control. Let the rhythm move you.” Hey, that should be part of Zaggora’s marketing campaign! Wait, forget I just said that. I’m gonna pitch that to them as my idea for an ad campaign if they make me their Creative Director. So nobody say anything, ok?
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