Let’s get right to it shall we? Here is my curated list of the bestest, most funny tweets on the web.
First up is Matty with some great advice on tweeting while driving.*
I drive with my hazard lights on to let others know I’m tweeting.
— Ranch Dressing Fit (@Matty_Lombardo) February 5, 2013
Matty Lombardo is so considerate. Everyone could learn a thing or two from him. Listen up, people, if you’re tweeting while driving, be polite and put the hazards on.
*I in no way support tweeting while driving – even with your hazards on.
We get some more great twitter advice from Ryan.
I don’t follow every single person that follows me for the same reason you don’t go making friends with every person you see at a carnival.
— Ryan (@rync8) August 14, 2013
I don’t see why not. This guy looks perfectly nice.
Now we move on to our battle of the sexes portion of the post.
WHAT I SAID: “I’m fine.” WHAT I ACTUALLY MEANT: “I’m fine.” See how that works ladies? It’s not that hard. Now you try it. Sincerely, Men — Babies Daddy (@dshack8) August 5, 2013
I think Babies Daddy is on to something.
My wife said that I set up the baby monitor wrong. Apparently it’s not supposed to be duct-taped to the baby’s ankle.
— Brian Hope (@Brianhopecomedy) January 3, 2013
How is he supposed to know? It’s not like the instructions specify or anything.
I bet his system would have come in pri-tty handy in preventing a situation like this. Whose doing it wrong now, huh?
I don’t know if Brian Hope is married to Nerdreign, but she seems to be pretty mad at her husband (don’t know if it’s in connection to a baby monitor mishap, though).
Meant to text my mom that I wanted to kill my husband right now. Texted my husband instead. Yet another reason I’d make a shitty spy.
— nerdreign (@nerdreign) August 23, 2013
I’d make a terrible spy, too, but not exactly for the same reason. I don’t have any plans for killing my husband or divorcing him or anything like that although…
Then Matty was back with more tweets, but this time he was grappling with tough, nagging questions, ones that have long plagued me.
I’ve heard the song ‘This Is How We Do It’ like a million times, but it’s still very unclear to me. — Ranch Dressing Fit (@Matty_Lombardo) January 25, 2013
I know right? How do they do it? You’d think they could be a little more specific.
Me: There has to be a way I can lose weight! Friend: Eat healthy? Exercise? Me: No, that’s not it. Keep thinking! We’ll figure this out. — Ranch Dressing Fit (@Matty_Lombardo) February 1, 2013
I think I was trying to figure this out when…
Just got lost on Twitter.
— OneFunnyMotha (@OneFunnyMotha) August 22, 2013
That’s it for today. Tune in again tomorrow for some more fun and games.
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