I have a good lineup for you today. First up, Rob and Captain Olgapants. These two have really captured the human condition as well as defined the fundamental differences between the sexes, and they have expressed this wisdom in the best of all possible communications – 140 characters or less. If you take nothing else away from this blog, learn from these two very wise and profound tweeple.
Wife: Are you going to replace your lost wedding ring? Me: Uh…hmmm….well…Look! Shoes!!!! *runs out the front door *keeps running
— Rob R (@MyHairyLife) August 2, 2013
And then this:
When I blew out my birthday candles, I wished for you baby is an awesome pick up line. He doesn’t have to know I wanted unlimited pizza. — Captain Olgapants (@captainolya) August 1, 2013
So true. I mean is there anything better than unlimited pizza except for shoes?
Then there’s me.
If you want my body & you think I’m sexy c’mon, sugar, let me know. (It’s the red nose isn’t it? It’s hot.) — OneFunnyMotha (@OneFunnyMotha) August 2, 2013
But then this happened.
Just ate 1/2 a loaf of bread for lunch. Sooo guess I’ll be joining weight watchers on Monday. — OneFunnyMotha (@OneFunnyMotha) August 2, 2013
So I totally ruined my good looks. But I had to. Bread is all I have. It’s my only solace in this cold, harsh world where I’m forced to deal with my family on a daily basis. Because, this:
— OneFunnyMotha (@OneFunnyMotha) August 1, 2013
Which leads me to this sage advice.
Compartmentalize your feelings so it’s easier to identify why you’re drinking on any given day.
— seagullski (@SeagullCharlie) August 2, 2013
So true. But, remember:
Rule no.1: No drinking during working hours. Rule no.2: No working during drinking hours.
— Huck (@Huck4Hools) August 2, 2013
All excellent advice brought to you by the infinite wisdom of twitter. Just one thing. Be careful with your beverage of choice. You don’t want to end up like Jen Mitchell.
You know what’s rude… when I think a beer has twist cap but it doesn’t.
— Jen Mitchell (@buriedwithkids) August 1, 2013
Because nobody wants to be tricked by their beverage.
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