Kids. Whether you love them or hate them or love to hate them, you have to raise them, and that can be annoying. Thankfully, Titter is here to help. Twitter is the go-to resource for parents seeking sage advice, inspiration or practical solutions to common parenting problems, all free of charge from strangers who have remarkably imaginative ways of dealing with the perplexing problems of parenthood.
With the myriad demands of parenting not to mention those of the children, one can easily become overwrought and overwhelmed. All one really needs to do when one’s child is throwing the fifth tantrum of the day or shrieking because she can’t see why she is not allowed to play in the toilet bowl when it’s so obviously the right height and perfect size for a person of her stature is turn to one’s Twitter feed. There’s bound to be plenty of useful if slightly unorthodox insight and understanding from those who have been there.
Take Mommy Catwalk for instance.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve uttered those same words. Why do children have to wail so loudly? I send them to their rooms so I don’t have to listen to that flapdoodle. I’m telling you if I miss one word of “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo,” my kids better redneckonize I will give them something to cry about.*
Before any further action was taken, however, I came across another spot-on piece of Twitter advice. This time from The Real Supermum.
While The Real Supermum’s advice solves just about any parenting dilemma you might find yourself in, occasionally even duct tape/sheds aren’t enough (i.e. permanent). Listen to what happened to New Stage Mom. Her kid broke her nose. Broke it. She claims it was an accident but…
That’s not the first time I’ve contemplated getting rid of kids either. Strangely enough, I think about it quite frequently.
Since I didn’t know how feasible either of those solutions were – I mean whenever I put an old piece of furniture out on the curb it goes quick before the garbage men ever get to it, but I’ve never seen it done with a kid – I opted for a different approach.
It wasn’t fail-proof and kids did slip-up, speaking to me occasionally, but I suppose that’s to be expected when implementing a radically new and entirely different protocol. I addressed the problem by redirecting the the kids to their father, and for the most part it worked.
But that was just one day on one weekend, and I don’t know how to get them to stop bothering me altogether. I’m looking to get rid of the kids because I fear they may be making me lose my mind. It’s going and soon I fear I’ll have nothing left. Although that has it’s advantages, too.
I swear I’ve watched a number of “Chopped” episodes several times over because even though I’ve seen it, I have no idea what happens. I can’t remember who wins. I’ve forgotten all the weird ingredients they’re required to cook. I don’t know what dishes they prepared or how they made them. It’s exactly like watching the episode for the very first time. I get to enjoy it all over again because I don’t remember a damn thing.
Given the abysmal state of television, maybe having kids has an up-side after all.
*I don’t watch Honey Boo Boo, but it was too irresistible not to work her show into this post. AND I have never told my children I will give them something to cry about or that they better reneckonize, a popular Honey Boo Booism, but I am definitely going to start, especially with the later.
If you redneckonize this is funny, click on the banner. That’s all you have to do (but keep doing it. Everyday. Forever). Thanks.
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