When I first heard talk of the impending ban on Russian adoptions, I admit I didn’t want to know. Sometimes when something heartbreaking is happening, and you have no power to stop it, it’s easiest to turn away. Then I was asked to write a piece about the law, which Vladimir Putin approved last week, and so I was forced to look.
My son is adopted from Russia. You might not know this because I typically don’t talk about it. It’s no secret, of course, but I never became active in the adoption community, I’m not involved in any advocacy groups, and I don’t espouse my views on adoption because, regardless of what I think, adoption is a personal and private matter. Also, my son’s adoption is his story to tell not mine.
I did once out of sheer rage, write a piece about adoption, which you can read here and which won me an award. It was a passionate, emotional response that without warning poured out, my heart beating on the page. But this is different. This isn’t an emotional tirade because I don’t think I can do it. I can’t even believe the news is real. I don’t believe it’s real because it can’t be.
You can read my story, Putin’s Adoption Ban Plays Russian Roulette with the Lives of Children, which is featured today on BaristaKids.
I have a friend who has adopted a little boy from Russia. He is a total doll. He was also born to a mother infected with HIV, Syphilis, and TB, among other things. I can’t even begin what to think would happen to this little guy if he had to stay in the system. It’s so sad!
Thanks for your comment. My son is a total doll, too. Maybe it’s in the Russian blood. He’s actually the sweetest person I know. He changed my life. I wish the Russian people would adopt the kids in the orphanages, but I’m not sure it’s economically possible, and there is no substitute for a family.
Special needs children are especially hurt by this. They basically will spend their lives in the system.
Wow. I had no idea. I’m off to read both articles. xo
Me too sistah. I have a girlfriend who has two now adult daughters from Russia. Wow it was a total ride from hell the first 4 years-they were half sisters 4 and 5 respectively. But now one is a mother and the other in college and they are extraordinarily beautiful!
The article you wrote is nothing short of amazing. It saddens me to think of all of those children in those orphanages, and of all of the parents who are unable to help them.
The story of your son is so heart-warming. And that smile. He’s one lucky little guy.
xo
Thank you, you’re very kind.
Amen! Excellent articles (I read both). We have three adopted children and I was so saddened to hear of this over the weekend. The children truly are the ones to suffer. Makes me sick.
Thx. Didn’t realize you had 3 adopted kids. My son has been such a blessing in my life. He also put things so succinctly when he called the Russian president a – and I quote – “crapface.”
LOL! That’s awesome!
Lovely post. Thanks for your bravery in sharing your story to help give these nameless children voice to those who don’t about this important issue. I wrote a similar blog piece and would love you to check it out: http://mommycall.wordpress.com/2012/12/29/adopting-hope-for-orphans-everywhere-the-russian-chapter/
going over to read it now!
Dear One Funny Motha, I appreciate your sorrow and completely understand; but do consider the other point of view. Here’s a post written by a dear friend of mine. I hope you will read it.
http://anymommyoutthere.com/2009/10/what-its-like.html
Thanks for sharing your friend’s story. Her situation sounds extremely difficult and it seems she tried to do the right thing by the child. I respect her honesty in telling a painful story. Of course, one never knows what it’s like unless one is in that situation oneself, but I do feel the essay I wrote in response to the woman who sent her child back to Russia on a plane by himself is a very different matter. While I attempt to understand different sides of the issue, sending a traumatized child back to the institution that traumatized him on a plane by himself with nothing but a note is clearly not in the best interest of the child. It’s a heartless act, and in doing it she jeopardized the adoption process for other families and children.
I used to work at a publicly funded clinic for troubled kids and families, including a lot of foster children, some who were eventually adopted. Adopting a kid at 4, 5, 6… It’s such a huge deal, working through all of the issues. I can imagine it being frustrating sometimes, but as you said, kids aren’t puppies. And the politics of it as well… both loaded but well done articles.
Agreed, and thank you.