Why My Husband is Banned from Ever Going to Costco Again

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I have only one piece of advice for you, but it’s an important one. Which is why I’ve devoted an entire post to it.


I’m gonna let that sink in for a while.

Many of you, I recognize, have made your own discoveries about the perils involved. Perhaps you’ve learned this lesson, as I have, the hard way. Maybe, just maybe, you innocently sanctioned your husband’s solo mission to Costco saying, “Thanks, honey. That’d be great if you could pick up the refrigerator-size box of diapers, the 78-roll pack of toilet paper and a drum of pickles for me.”

I mean who couldn’t use an extra hand, and if honey is willing, nay, eager to pitch in, the opportunity is all the more alluring.

But I’ve been burned, people. I’ve been singed not once but twice, which may suggest I am the one at fault. I should’ve known better – and I did. But I was desperate. Desperate, I tell you, and I just hoped this time would be different. This time it was possible.

I was wrong. And that’s why my husband is banned from Costco. 

It’s not that I wanted sole control over Costco duties. I’d gladly take Kevin’s assistance if he were capable. He isn’t. During our first year as members, every time Kevin ran to Costco he returned with a flat screen T.V.

The husbands never just stick to the list. They deviate. They think on their own, and that’s the problem.

Exhibit A:


I’m trying to provide a sense of scale here. Notice the five-pound bag of “organic” (because I like all my stale bread to be organic) croutons is larger than anything normally found on a table?

Even if you really, really liked croutons, could you eat five pounds of them? I mean, that’s a lot of salad, and I’m pretty much the only person in this household who likes salad. I’m not, however, that fond croutons.

The rest of my family likes croutons but not salads. They eat salad because I force them, but they’d rather not, and whenever Kevin decides he’s going on a diet, the salad is the first thing to go. He might have a big, fat burger with fries for lunch, but he’ll cut out the salad because he’s trying to eat light.

Then we have the 2,000 Q-tip quandary.


Nobody in the house uses Q-tips except Kevin. Each package contains 625 Q-tips, and they come in a two-pack. That’s over a thousand Q-tips. Does any one person really need that many Q-tips?

I like Costco and I love getting a deal, but sometimes Kevin’s purchases like Costco itself are more than any one person, or family of four, can take.

So please, head my warning and save yourselves.

Don’t forget, I’m more fun on Facebook. Join me.

Also, if you like this you will love my book, I STILL JUST WANT TO PEE ALONE, the third installment in The New York Times best-selling series from some of the funniest women on the web. For a good time get it on AmazonKindleiTunes and Barnes and Noble. I will love you forever. 



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39 thoughts on “Why My Husband is Banned from Ever Going to Costco Again”

  1. I can barely allow MYSELF Costco shopping privledges! I’m fearful of how my husband would conduct himself, if I allowed him his very own un-supervised Costco trip… Shoot, I can barely control him when I AM there to watch him… “No, honey…. we really don’t need 37 pounds of bacon, right now.”

  2. Yikes! Those are some quesionable purchases. At least the Q-tips are relatively inexpensive and wont go bad. It is easy for those stores to trick you into buying odd things that are only needed if you are feeding a family of twelve! Just remember that he tried, and you love him. Right?

  3. When I lived in Alaska and over an hour from any real shopping avenues, we would make a monthly trip to Costco to stock up on things like tomato sauce, canned veggies, toilet paper, and stuff like that.

    However, I find that now that I am a mere 5 minutes from a plethora of grocery stores (ok, there are only 4, but it feels like a LOT), I have no need to make a ‘Costco run’ any longer. We even went in to check it out and didn’t buy a thing (one of a very few that weren’t huffing, puffing and shoving overstuffed carts towards their urban assault vehicles).

    1. An HOUR from stores?! Don’t know if I could handle that. I resisted Costco for the longest time but since we joined I do like it b/c you can get a deal, but you have to be very disciplined. My husband does not understand discipline.

  4. My husband is pretty good about this… usually. But he has been known to stray from what we are supposed to be getting from the store. Luckily from the time we have been married, we almost do all shopping together. This means we are both supervised! 🙂

  5. Lol, I revoked the hubby’s right to solo trips the year he kindly offered to pick up something (think napkins) I’d forgotten to pick up a few days before Thanksgiving. thought the heavens had opened up an a chorus of Angeles were singing, until he came home with the thing and I wish I were kidding, a hundred dollars worth of beverages (no liquor) that included a CASE of Capri Suns for my 1.5 yo niece!?!

  6. I didn’t even have to read to the end of this to work out that our husbands were separated at birth. England is the land of buy one get one free, or buy three for two .. etc. So Rob can’t go to the supermarket and buy what’s on the list, he’ll come back with 1000 eggs because they were 2p cheaper than usual. Or a 12 pack of cans of baked beans when I only wanted one. If there is ever a shortage on Finish dishwasher tablets, come to me I have several hundred thousand of them. It drives me IN-F***ING SANE.

  7. Lol, my husband is the same way. I will give him a list and he will comeback with one thing from the list but a dozen other things that will never get used. He excuse is always “it was a good deal”. Good deal my ass, if you aren’t going to use it, its just a waste of money! Thank you for sharing!

    1. Nooo. He didn’t really get NINE bags of craisins did he? (Oh, btw, we still have that same bag of croutons pictured above. When did I write this post? In December but he bought the bag in November. It is now spring.)

  8. This is more than true. If that is possible, I can’t even send my husband to get a gallon of milk without him bringing home, two pints of ice cream, a bunch of yogurt (not on sale), OREOS, and a various assortment of crap from the “sale” bins.
    I would never let the barer of Attention Deficit I’m gonna kick you in the rear go to Costco without me, what are you CRAZY?

  9. I am the Husband, yes I buy the 25lbs of salt , the mega pack of fish , meat and the like, I portion them and freeze them when required , however before I go to Costco I make a trip to the shopping mall and do a survey of what I would need , then when at Costco I check the prices , in some instances I have saved over 20% , yes I also buy fresh produce from the store , no one can touch their price at equal quality.
    Peoples without a brain loose when shopping at Costco why would you buy a flat screen TV or a 5 lbs bag of crouton which is clearly oriented toward restaurants , in my case I challenge any stock broker to give me a 15 to yes 20% on my stock , Costco does , at this time their gas is 40b cents cheaper than the competition…Romaine lettuce 6 times cheaper than Safeway ????
    You have to be a smarter shopper.
    End of the month I have saved money.
    I am not a Costco Employee nor have any financial interest in Costco aside of being a Customer.
    If one cannot resist buying a flat screen TV , I hate to see what they do with their mortgage and retirement portfolio ……

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