Yesterday I was famous.
It all started last night. When in between helping my son with the sentences he had to compose for homework, which takes approximately 10,000 hours because he doesn’t believe in the transformative powers of homework and so decides to make the task as onerous and infuriating as possible and is quite adept in doing so, I checked in on Twitter to see what I’d missed that day. Apparently that day I’d missed A LOT. My buddy and Anderson Cooper Blogger of the Day, Julie Deneen, tweeted that one of my tweets and been featured on the Anderson Cooper Show. It went something like this:
As I pondered what could have kept Anderson from picking up the phone to call me after first having his research team unearth my true identity and phone number or at the very least giving me a shout out on Twitter because this life-altering tweet didn’t even show up in my Twitter feed, and I might just as easily never have known my life had completely changed, I continued scrolling through my feed.
Although it was pretty inconsiderate of Anderson, I figured maybe he was busy. I was certain though when he finally did call to tell me the news and to ask me to be a guest on the show to discuss the thought process behind power tweeting, I could forgive him. I was still sitting at my desk staring at my computer screen contemplating the power of those magical mini-messages, those harbingers of life-altering information dispensed in 140-character bursts, imagining my new life full of twitter parties as a member of the twitterati when another message from Julie popped up:
And just like that my life of celebrity was over. For about two seconds it truly had been a wonderful life.
It’s not like I haven’t been almost famous before. Not too long ago NickMom chose me as the world’s (ok, the week’s) funniest tweeters (ok, one of the week’s funniest mom tweeters), and we all remember how dramatically that impacted my life.
But this tweet seem different (even though I didn’t know what the heck it said). This tweet seemed to inch me closer to near-fame.
Although it was all a big mistake brought about by confusion over “r’s” (the real funny motha doesn’t need any damn “r’s”), I still maintain my hope of going down in the twittosphere hall of near-fame because – and this you are not going to believe – last week I got a tweet from the Mighty One, the Mother of all Media, the Grand Dame of Grand Dames, Oprah Winfrey. Yup. See for yourselves.
The Own Network, which let’s face it is just a pseudonym for the Mighty One, knows I’m alive! She tweeted me (or responded to my tweet to her or whatever), and thanked me, which I think one can reasonably translate to Oprah Winfrey likes you and wants to do a reality show about you.
As exciting and impressive as all this is, incredibly it pails in comparison to what happened next.
The man may have agreed to marry me but he never consented to “liking” me, and my endless social media demands seemed to be weighing heavily on our relationship. He neither liked me nor followed me nor, perhaps, understood me, but then this week we had a breakthrough. During a quiet moment at home I asked, “Could you please like me on my FaceBook Page today?”
And he said, “O.k.” It may have taken 17 years and a few promises of sexual favors which I plan to reneg on, but I did it. I did it!
I have to say it was a pretty good week. Almost life changing.
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