Monday night was quite possibly the greatest night of television viewing in my entire career.
Alone in a quiet house as my husband was out driving the kids somewhere (I don’t know – I try not to to get too involved), I found myself in a rare moment of peace and solitude. With dinner over and the lights dimmed, I wandered into the darkened sunroom. I felt a little strange as this had never happened to me before. I sunk into the couch and grabbed the remote. I could have myself a real sit-down right there in front of the T.V. I could watch something I wanted to watch. Undisturbed. As there’s always Facebook to check or a kid yammering or my husband hogging the remote and forcing me to watch Backwoods Law or Alaskan Bush People or Amish Mafia or Mountain Monster Hunters or one of the other 5,000 variations on that theme, I knew I HAD to take advantage of this opportunity. It was like the 100-year storm. It might not come again. Except for in another 10 years.
My husband will deny my accusations, of course, and he does share the remote, but I don’t know. I never feel like I can really, fully relax and enjoy the shows I want to watch. Like The Bachelor for example. And, he’ll never watch them with me and mock them mercilessly because he’s selfish.
In that moment I made a decision. I would watch The Bachelor. I deserved it after all. But then I saw that Vanderpump Rules’ or VR (because I can’t write that title out every time) was on, and I was torn. So then I started flipping back and forth, and I realized something. The two shows shouldn’t be watched in isolation. In fact, the two should only be viewed in combination because, seriously, who can watch a whole, uninterrupted hour of The Bachelor? Never mind two. It’s torture. Viewing both simultaneously makes The Bachelor tolerable. Too bad I only realized that on the second to last episode of the season. Sadly, they’ll only be perfect together one more time.
How am I going to make it through the next The Bachelor?
At least, next week is VR’s season finale. I’m seriously bummed about that. The good news for you, if you’ve never watched the show, is you can tune in at any point during the season and pick it up because it’s all the same episode – just with different hair and outfits.
I’m not sure about The Bachelor. It might be over next week because he’s down to two women or “girls” as he likes to call them, but I don’t really watch the show, and they do have a way of drawing that program out to make it as painful as possible. And, then of course, there’s the post-show reunion, The Bachelor: The Women Tell All, The Bachelor: The Bachelor Tells All and maybe even some spin-offs like The Bachelor: The Wedding, The Bachelor: The Honeymoon, and The Bachelor: Marriage Counseling.
Chris Harrison, are you listening? Call me.
I know it might seem weird to review or write about a show that you don’t watch, but like I say, you see one episode of The Bachelor, you’ve seen them all. To tell the truth, I’m surprised the show’s still on. I think I watched the first season when it aired back in 1980. (Ok, just Googled it, and they’re actually on the 19th season. Which means this show has been regurgitated NINETEEN times.) The weird thing is the show was awful then, and they haven’t changed a damn thing since. Not.One.Thing. Which is really kind of astounding. It’s not like they lacked the time to improve it. Which begs the question: How is this show still on?
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